Three Months Gone

It's been quite a while since I've posted anything, so I guess I'll start back into things with a few observations, and try to build back into the habit.

If anyone's curious, the Jeopardy audition went pretty well, at least as far as I was concerned. Knew stuff that nobody else did, like what movie biography had Greg Kinnear playing Bob Crane, and the name of the character Jimmy Stewart played in Harvey.

Part of the process was gathering some personal information, and along with what I did and other things I did mention that I had recently lost my wife. Their response was kind of false; "Oh, I'm so sorry...", and I almost wonder if they will just hold off using me because of it. Not really worth worrying about it; anything more is gravy. So many more things to think of, to deal with, to remember...

After three months, Jan still makes her presence known in many aspects of daily life, which is probably as it should be. I spent most of today going through still more boxes of stuff. One thing I found was her senior portrait from high school. I met her about 7 years after this picture was taken.

Returning to work has been difficult. I'm not at my best. I did better when I was immersed in being a caregiver and care coordinator, along with holding down a (more than) full time job.
Now other things are filling in that time, not the least being a long-distance relationship that carries with it all of the joys and challenges that are typical of those, with the additional challenges of dealing with grief, loss, and a sense of inadequacy. I'm not on the rebound, but I think I am on the mend. Leslie helps with that. I hope I am worthy.

Another challenge is the nature of shift work while trying to be a single parent of a teenager. I'm trying to make some adjustments. This can and will be interesting.

KAFM continues to be a source of quiet joy. Excellent people, an excellent platform for creativity, and well-positioned for the future. If you support the station, pat yourself on the back. They're making a difference.

After going through boxes and reading the papers, etc. today, I went to Bananas to hit some softballs, then took a drive around the area as dusk approached. The smoke from all of the local and distant wildfires painted the business district of Fruita in a somber dark red as the last vestiges of sunlight filtered through. It was eerie and troubling. This summer has been fairly oppressive, even by Grand Junction standards. Hopefully some relief is in the offing.

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There was some interesting media and blog posting this weekend on the subject of police. Not the typical kind of coverage that you normally expect, but it definitely got my attention and was worth the read, whether or not you agree or disagree:

• Gene Kinsey's post about the militarization of local police. This has been a pet project of Gene's ever since Northridge Estates got a taste of what not-so-well-heeled neighborhoods see much more often. It's an interesting point that Gene brings to the forefront, especially in the wake of some disturbing actions taken by the Bush administration involving the role of the real military on the home front. Even more disturbing is the mainstream media's failure to bring this to light.
  

• Amy Hamilton's Page One story in today's Sentinel about the experiences of a female Meeker police officer one year after an officer-involved shooting. This was very well done and held my interest. It also validated several things for me about the nature of some communities, and how much denial and rationalization some will engage in, even when faced with the truth of how low some people will go. Like so many other things I read about in the papers, the same mantra pops into my head: Don't Drink....Don't Drink....Don't Drink.

• Sunday's You Said It included a "question" about why there are cops in town wearing long sleeve shirts in 100-degree weather. As interesting a topic that this might be to some, I feel that I have expended enough virtual ink for the moment.

Best wishes for peace and understanding during the Dog Days.

Beneath the Surface

Cookey's Mechanical...if it goes through a pipe, we do it."

- Radio ad heard during a JUCO broadcast

Denver - I'm here to take part in something you don't necessarily do every week. I'll talk more about it afterward, but back in February I took the online contestant test for Jeopardy, and earlier this month was invited here to audition for the show. The second step, sort of. If I do well here I'll be placed in the contestant pool for a year.

Four co-workers stepped forward to cover my shift so I could be here today. My sincere thanks to them.

Microsoft unveiled a new product this week, and does it look cool. Obscure reference department: If I get one, I'll be reviewing the data with this baby after I get a redball and before consulting the pre-cogs .

JUCO has been very well-attended this year (gas prices affecting out of town travel?), but the product placement has gotten ridiculous. Considering the volume of advertising being thrust at people during the tournament broadcasts, some corners may have been cut in the screening-for-double entendre department, witness the example above. If I have to hear another business name inserted into the descriptive account of the event, I'm shutting off the radio.

Next on the Gene Taylor's, Home of The Cage schedule, I'm getting dressed and having breakfast.

Wish me luck today.

Memorial Day

The cover of this past week's New Yorker says it all.

Remembering those who have made the ultimate sacrifice in the cause of freedom.

GJT Follies and True JUCO Flavor

"He can dance around in lederhosen if he wants, I don't care. I want our engineer in town and available for the first three days of the tournament."

- Jim Davis, "The Radio Voice of JUCO", expressing frustration over some technical difficulties encountered on Saturday afternoon.

I've been busy and somewhat distracted the last few weeks, not only with the continued efforts at settling Jan's affairs, but with other things as well. There have been frustrating moments and joyous ones to be sure; my son got his learner's permit yesterday, so perhaps a little of both on that one. We'll wait and see.

One thing that has caught the attention of myself and several others is the sudden name change from Walker Field Airport to the Grand Junction Regional Airport. Generally speaking, this is not that big a deal, but a name change is a significant step if one wishes to reinvent themselves.

Having worked in an aviation-related business in the past, I tend to refer to airports by their FAA identifier, so for me it doesn't matter how you sugar-coat the outside; when it gets down to what the facility is supposed to accomplish, then for me the name remains GJT.

The traffic, parking, and other construction going on is certainly significant, but every time I choose to visit GJT I get the impression that the facility lacks imagination and friendliness to the traveling public. Like many industries that have to endure lots of government regulation (especially federal) in order to operate, there doesn't appear to be a lot of vision and foresight in the conduct of daily operations. Here are a few examples:

• Try to reach someone from the Airport Authority by phone after normal business hours; you'll find yourself in automated-attendant Purgatory. Before and after these hours, the only airport folks on duty are the maintenance staff, which doubles as the airport fire department. They're required to be at the airport until the last scheduled commercial departure and/or arrival. There isn't any easy way that I know of to track one of these folks down, save for meeting one in person if there is a problem or issue.
  

• There is no centrally-located information desk or easily identifiable airport representative to be found. The airport website speaks of a Volunteer Ambassador program, with nice artists' renderings of smartly uniformed ambassadors assisting travelers. There's even prime parking reserved for these folks. Too bad I have never seen one on duty.

• Speaking of the airport website, it hasn't changed to the new name yet. As much as the Airport Board wanted to jettison the name "Walker Field" as quickly as possible, the existing site is the only one online for the facility after several Google searches of the old and new airport name. Here's a suggestion; Google says that http://www.gjt.net is available.

• There are no centrally located electronic message boards or LCD monitors that advise travelers of the status of all departures and arrivals, including delays or cancellations. The PA system at the airport is pretty active, but that doesn't help the hearing impaired a great deal. A lot of this visual information is readily available from paid services via the web. General Mitchell International Airport in Milwaukee, also known as MKE, is one of the nicest medium-size airports around. They have monitors that show not only flight status, but also the flight location, altitude, etc. on a dynamic map that is updated every few minutes.
  

It's pretty clear that the Authority Board that operates GJT has its' work cut out for it, now and into the foreseeable future. There are three seats on the GJT Board coming up for appointment over the next year, two appointed by the Grand Junction City Council and one by the County Commissioners, and the city council rep's term is up as well, but it's likely that Gregg Palmer will continue in that role.

According to the agenda from the May 14 Council Workshop, the Board member whose term expires at the end of the month, Frank Roger Little, has expressed an interest in being re-appointed. Based on Mayor Doody's well-reported comments about the name change, the re-appointment process for these Board seats may be more interesting this time around. I'm thinking about this, and other ways to steer GJT toward a customer-driven service delivery model that has the traveling public's service needs at the forefront. _________________________________________________________________

It's JUCO week in Grand Junction, which one wag long ago equated to a combination Chamber of Commerce picnic, teenage mating ritual, and Lions' Club Convention. The tournament may indeed have something for everyone, including us radio hobbyists.

Maranatha Broadcasting in Grand Junction is the official broadcast partner for the tournament, and their broadcasts on KTMM 1340 here locally are also beamed to radio stations serving the populations of the participating teams' home areas.

The signal from the press box at Suplizio Field is beamed to the KTMM studios near Sherwood Park in Grand Junction via a constant VHF radio feed on what is in FCC terminology called a Relay Press frequency.

This transmission is constant from the microphones in the press box, and can be particularly entertaining during commercial breaks, witness the quote at the top of this post, monitored during the beginning of the 3:00 game today.

If you have a standard programmable scanner receiver, or a multi-band receiver that pulls in VHF around the NOAA weather band, plug in 161.700 or tune to just below 162 MHz while the games are going on. The signal can be heard pretty well across the central Grand Valley. You just might make a great catch yourself.

Happy Flying and Play Ball.

A Leadership Lesson

Burlington, Wisconsin - She's been gone a month. Between trying to get things organized at home and going back to work, I guess I'm starting to feel a little more normal. Travel helped - 10 days spent between Pittsburgh and Cape Cod, among loving friends, relatives, and some quality time with Jan's brother.

Now I'm in an attractive small city about 30 miles southwest of Milwaukee, on business doing an inspection trip for a mobile communications vehicle we're having built here.

While driving here from Milwaukee Airport, I had occasion to listen to Marketplace, a nationally distributed public radio business show. A commentary on today's program caught my attention:

BENJAMIN BARBER: Paul Wolfowitz is crashing and burning at the World Bank not because he did or said something wrong - that's debatable.

It's because he's an overbearing and arrogant bully trying to impose his will on an organization that depends for success on consensus - both among those who work at the Bank and the governments that pay for and sponsor it.

Simply put, the wolves are after Wolf because he failed to cultivate effective leadership. Not because of a mistake in moral judgment or because of his campaign against corruption.

He placed two former administration allies in high World Bank advisory office, and paid little heed to collegiality and common wisdom in an institution that depends on them for its effectiveness.

Like the world it serves, the Bank can be effective only when it has the collaboration of its staff, the support of its national funders and the good will of those to whom it makes loans.

That's nearly impossible for Wolfowitz to achieve, because he's the product of the administration he left behind: stubborn, zealously "principled" and absolutely certain of his own moral rectitude. Those who disagree are blind to truth, self-interested or traitors.

But leadership isn't about giving orders. It's about listening. Without common ground, no reform, no progress.

The World Bank faces a formidable agenda: correcting global inequalities and augmenting wealth in a world where investment capital is seen by many as the problem, not the solution. Putting Wolfowitz there, like putting John Bolton at the United Nations, was asking for trouble.

Like President Bush, who disdains the national community he was elected to lead and prefers his own voice to careful listening, Wolfowitz is self-destructing around his own self-proclaimed rightness.

Leaders, take notice: democratic leadership in a global world is a two-way street. You need those you lead and you must listen to those you lecture.

(Benjamin Barber runs the nonprofit Democracy Collaborative.)

This commentary set me to thinking about the kinds of leaders I have been both privileged and cursed to work under, what kind of leadership styles work in the type of work I do, and how listening is as important as anything else a leader does.

I'm currently blessed to be working for leaders who (mostly) listen. I can't say the same for many of my colleagues in government at all levels. Maybe the Wolfowitz saga as played out in the media will send some kind of message to those in leadership positions as to what really works.

As for me, all I really needed to know about Mr. Wolfowitz was displayed in his brief appearance in Bowling for Columbine, as excerpted below:




Have a great week.

The White Table

By now the instant analysis, second-guessing and armchair quarterbacking have started in earnest over the truly tragic events at Virginia Tech yesterday. I won't jump in, and agree wholeheartedly with Ralph D'Andrea and the Rocky as far as their respective take on the issue. The President and Police Chief of Virginia Tech are also spot-on about the ability to effectively alert and/or lock down a 100-building campus spread over 2600 acres.

As someone with a public safety background, I can make some general observations about what makes or breaks the response to something like this, especially in a largely rural area with limited or distant specialized resources:

1. Unified Command using standardized methods such as the Incident Command System are paramount to any level of responsiveness or success in mitigating an incident such as this.

2. Knowing how to effectively interact with your neighboring agencies and other public safety disciplines on all levels is another make-or-break factor. With something like this that requires an efficient and large scale multi-disciplinary response, there is no room for politics, petty prejudices, or stereotypes.

3. "Interoperability", the buzzword that speaks to the ability of disparate public safety agencies to communicate when working together, is usually referred to when discussing technology deficiencies, especially as it pertains to radio communications. It actually means a great deal more than making sure your radio talks with other agencies and vice versa; it's a state of mind that has to be sold, utilized, and enforced across all levels of an incident response. Interoperability is not just about technology; it's about the processes used to operate, the training that responders receive, and the attitude with which they approach the tasks at hand. See #1 and #2.

I'll look forward to the investigations and reports. Enough said for now; let the mourning and remembrance begin. My prayers are with the families and fellow students and staff.
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Family and friends are starting to arrive in town for tomorrow's memorial service. In an effort to make more room for visitors and others, I began moving things around and cleaning up over the last couple of days. One thing that had to get cleaned off and put away was one of those ubiquitous 4-foot white folding tables that I picked up at Sam's Club about two years ago to use for a yard sale.

This table was rapidly pressed into service when Jan came home in August 2005, after her surgery and first stay in the hospital for rehab and radiation treatments. It stood in our bedroom, filled and organized with the myriad medications and other things necessary for Jan's care at the time.

As Jan's condition started to become more stable over last year, her tumors held in check by an oral chemotherapy med that she responded well to, the table started to have other things on it, including reading material, journals, the binders where I kept information on doctor's appointments and medical records, and other things. As this drug stopped working, and Jan started experiencing other types of discomfort, this material made its' way elsewhere, in favor of additional medications and supplies.

After Jan's stroke and second hospital stay, lots more supplies came into the house, including pads, pre-filled syringes, and new medications. With Jan's hospital bed in the living room, the table was moved and re-organized, along with a white board on the wall to write down medication times, blood sugar readings, and anything needing restocked.

The simple act of cleaning these supplies off of the table, folding it, and storing it away impacted me more than I thought it would. It was for me the last physical vestige of the events of the last 19 months, the diligence and organization required over that time frame, and the final realization that she is gone. Even the brand name embossed onto the tabletop - "LIFETIME" - bears a certain degree of irony for me that I will not shake easily, or for a long time. The neat piles of folding tables for sale at Sam's will be a constant, and perhaps welcome, reminder of what transpired in our house the last 19 months.

I've been fighting a feeling of emptiness these last few days. This isn't something that was unexpected, but its' profundity is more than I perhaps thought possible or probable.
Learning to live without her will be an adjustment of significant proportions, but I will not forget how to care, how to love, and how to share her lessons with others. This is her gift to me, and hopefully to anyone else that I may have the privilege of knowing as the journey winds on.

I'll leave you with another one of Jan's favorite songs. This one is profound in its' message, not only for my family but for our society in general, in part because of the reminder we all got yesterday that there are people in this world that are in need of our collective love and caring. We are NOT alone.



God bless you.

Grace...NOT

Boy, what would we do without humor? After the last 19 months, I thank God for the ability to laugh, at both myself and others.

Jon Stewart takes four and a half minutes and deftly dissects one of the key problems with our media and society today. It's unfortunate that Nancy "not one iota of" Grace has to bear the brunt of this, but as someone long dead and gone once said, "Instant karma's gonna get you".

Enjoy:



Here's another one of Jan's favorite songs.
Hope the rest of your weekend is quiet and joyous.

Loss, Indignation, and Wonder

When I read yesterday that Kurt Vonnegut had passed away, I felt the loss of another individual who shaped part of my life in some meaningful way. I have read most of Vonnegut's early books, which really isn't a grand achievement for someone who was a teenager in the 70's. They were seemingly everywhere to someone like me whose idea of summertime fun was curling up with a good book, or holing up in my room and talking on the CB until the wee hours of the morning. This is, of course, before I discovered girls.

Like many I thoroughly enjoyed Slaughterhouse-Five, in part because it deals a lot with Vonnegut's own experience as a survivor of the bombing of Dresden as a POW in World War II.
I felt an honesty to his writing that was uncharacteristic in relationship to other books I had read at the time. The writing was simple, direct, and unemotional.

Vonnegut appeared in one of a famous series of ads for International Paper Company in the 70's called The Power of the Printed Word. His contribution, titled How to Write with Style, provided me with advice that I try to remember when ever I sit down to write; "If a sentence, no matter how excellent, does not illuminate your subject in some new and useful way, scratch it out."

There is an excellent remembrance of Vonnegut in recent years on Borders' website. So it goes.
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The controversy over Don Imus this week is becoming the latest weapon of mass distraction, but it has disturbing undertones associated with it. Many in the blogosphere seem to see it as a continued symptom of the media's fascination with things that are not news. Yesterday morning I was watching CNN's Your World Today, which had in-depth coverage of the bombing of a bridge in Baghdad along with the successful breach of security by a suicide bomber at the Iraqi parliament. I quickly flipped to MSNBC and Fox; Imus was still the topic at hand.

What worries me is the potential for increased scrutiny of what would otherwise be protected speech in this country. Imus did a stupid thing, but I'm more concerned with the ripple effect on broadcasters and others in either being or feeling restricted from expressing their views, especially in a reasoned way. As both a citizen and the producer of a radio program, this concerns me greatly.

Harsh words like Imus chooses to use do not promote the effective exchange of ideas, but as Media Matters demonstrated yesterday, he's hardly the exception to the rule. What's next for other polarizing media types that use language and words similar to Imus? Do we insist on their firing as well?

Coincidentally, the ACLU sent out a press release yesterday concerning legislation that would increase the federal capability to prosecute hate crimes when local and/or state authorities do not. At first blush, it appears to be a balanced approach to the problem. I wonder if Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson will weigh in on it. It would certainly seem to be a more productive use of their time than the Imus debacle.

I don't know enough about the issue to go any further with this, but yesterday I saw a local example of Sharpton-esque indignation that was, at least for me, pretty comical.

The Junction Daily Blog of April 10 was a small blurb about the recent expansion of Channel 12's capabilities, with a fairly critical approach. Someone chose to send back an informed, reasoned, and anonymous comment about it, which Ralph D'Andrea posted in yesterday's edition, along with the information that the comment had originated from Mesa County's Internet server.

Not to be outdone by other Rutgers alumni, Ralph has taken the approach that the comment is, in his opinion as a taxpayer, inappropriate in relationship to the duties of a county employee. I'm not so sure about that, given that Ralph took the time to criticize a county operation in a way that appeared to want to generate feedback of some kind, or at least a little controversy.

From the viewpoint of a private citizen and a public servant, I disagree with Ralph's assertions.
First, Channel 12 is an excellent community resource that is operated in a fiscally responsible way. I know this because while they do a great job, they're not perfect. Any programming produced by Channel 12, including the live broadcast of public meetings, must be accessible to the hearing impaired, per Title II of the Americans with Disabilities Act. This has yet to happen, and when it does it will be a little costly. My wife was the main reason I got involved with this, but I will continue with these efforts for the benefit of others.

Second, while the comment may have been sent anonymously from a government computer, it was spot on with relevant, enlightening, non-sensitive information that would otherwise not be readily available unless someone took the time to ask. The author's first sentence seemed to set Ralph off a bit, perhaps extending the tax-induced agita that he complained of in his original post.

I've learned my lesson more than once to take a few deep breaths before clicking "Send" or "Post", and I need to be reminded at times. Sounds to me like Ralph got such a reminder and is none too happy about it. I'm hopeful he will get over it.
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I found another video, this time of a song that reminds me a lot of Jan. I'm off shortly to the mortuary and the church to finalize plans for her memorial, so this seems like a fitting way to conclude. Enough said for now.



Have a good weekend.

Words of Thanks

Thanks to all of the readers and friends who have posted comments with condolences and encouragement. Evan and I greatly appreciate it.

Jan's online obituary and guest book is available here.

The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette chose to do a news obituary about Jan's life. I spoke with their reporter yesterday, and he did an excellent job. You can read it here.

I am now starting to become immersed in the practical responsibilities of what's happened. As a result, I don't have a great deal more to say at this point.

Jan liked lots of different music. In recent months I've collected a lot of songs that Jan loved, and songs that remind me of her and the way I felt about her. I still have a lot of Jan's vinyl 33 LP's, and one that always stood out was a very worn copy of Harvest. Thanks to YouTube, I can share one of her favorite songs.



Take care and God bless.

She is Free

Jan Carrow Zeller

December 6, 1952 - April 8, 2007

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free
I'm following the path God laid for me
I took His hand when I heard Him call
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day, to laugh,
to love, to work or play.
Tasks undone must stay that way
I've found that peace at the close of the day.

If parting has left a void, then fill it
with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,
Ah, yes, these things I too will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow
I wish for you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full, I savored much
Good friends, good times,
a loved one's touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief,
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your hearts and share with me,
God wants me now, He set me free.

Easter Wishes

Jan's struggle with cancer is nearing its' end. While I'm tempted to reflect upon the paradoxical nature of this happening during the Christian world's celebration of Christ's resurrection, I'll instead defer to something that I've been reminded of in different ways several times this week.

The Sermon on the Mount showed itself to me on several occasions the last few days, the last time this morning while I had Turner Classic Movies on, and they were running trailers of upcoming films. On reading it again I thought it was highly appropriate to both the nature of public discourse and my wife's impending departure from our mortal world to share it with as many as I could.
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Matthew 5:1-12

The Beatitudes

1Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, 2and he began to teach them saying:
3"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
5Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
6Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
7Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
8Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
9Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
10Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

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When I read these words, I ask myself how someone who strives to be truly Christlike can remain relevant in the world of ideas as it exists today. Then I spent some time talking with friends of Jan who had come by to visit, and afterward I held Jan's hand, stroked her hair, and came to realize a couple of things:

1. Relevance, as anything else, is not something that is under our control. God decides how we will be relevant to the work and plan He has for us. I've worried in the past about staying relevant at work with all of the things that have happened with Jan over the last year and a half. I'm not worrying anymore.

2. If the response of friends and family is any indication, Jan has had a much more profound influence on people's lives than anyone could have previously predicted. This from a largely reserved but highly driven and committed woman of faith who found a gift and a plan to use it, and went from there. While imperfect like all of us, Jan always seemed to strive for understanding over creating barriers between people who shared a common mission, but may have disagreed with how to accomplish it. While she was not always successful, I feel that she tried her best, and I feel deeply indebted to her for teaching and nurturing our son and myself.
I will take those lessons down whatever path God has intended for me.

I see so many examples of doubt today, from the ongoing intolerance of religious extremism (both here and abroad) to the worship of celebrity and material wealth, and even the frenzy to find physical evidence of the Nativity or the Resurrection so as to try to empirically establish what Christians know by faith. Jan's struggle enforces what to me is a critical lesson along life's path; that our faith establishes and maintains the Kingdom of God on Earth.

Consider this a wish for peace to you at Easter and in the future. Maybe the Sermon on the Mount should be required reading for bloggers and talk radio hosts from now on.

Take care and God bless.

New Discoveries

Being a full-time caregiver affords me the opportunity to watch a lot of TV. I've been trying to put on some of my wife's favorite movies at night so we can watch them together. In the interim I've found some interesting examples of some great things going on, the most significant being the extraordinary 11-part series Planet Earth on the Discovery Channel.

This series combines exquisite photography, informative writing, and great narration (by Sigourney Weaver) into something that captivates for the full hour. I will buy this on DVD; this is something that would look better on PBS because the commercials are truly an annoyance. That's how good this is. Here's the trailer, which doesn't do it justice but is still a good snapshot of what they've been able to accomplish in the 5 years it took to film and produce it:



Something else that caught my attention was a story late last week that involved the parent of the Discovery Channel buying out one of its' part owners, Cox Communications. This includes Cox taking possession of The Travel Channel, which is fine with me so long as Samantha Brown stays, but Discovery is also downsizing in the process, laying off 300 workers to start and perhaps as much as 10 % of its' work force.

There are some local tie-ins to this story. Cox is a subsidiary of privately-held Cox Enterprises, Inc., which also owns Cox Newspapers, publishers of The Daily Sentinel.

Discovery Communications, Inc. is headed by Founder and Chairman John Hendricks, who owns a 20,000-plus square foot mansion and compound in the Gateway area of Mesa County, and is also the owner and driving force behind the development of the Gateway Canyons resort complex. This development is opposed by several local residents, who fear increased demand on public safety services that are scarce and largely volunteer-based.

I haven't seen any coverage of the Discovery/Cox sale in either of the Grand Junction newspapers, and this is a little surprising, but not too much. I would think that a significant business action that involves two corporate entities with a significant presence in Mesa County would warrant a blurb somewhere. Maybe I just missed it.

As far as development in Gateway, a metro Denver Fire Chief said something both simple and profound several years ago. "If it can't be protected, it shouldn't be built". Enough said from this corner.
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On another matter, the Sentinel obtained and released the recordings of 9-1-1 calls received during the reckless journey of Patrick Strawmatt that led to the tragic deaths of Jennifer Kois and Jake Brock last month. I'm proud to be counted among the employees of the 9-1-1 center, who have to deal with this kind of stuff every day and do an admirable job of it.

I'm not too thrilled with the local judiciary in Park County that allowed Mr. Strawmatt to post a meager bond after a similar incident in February where he assaulted the Sheriff there. I hope that the media, MADD , or someone keeps Magistrate Larry Allen under the microscope. If he won't comment or explain himself further publicly, his next retention election, should he pursue it, should have a strong challenge against it.

Time to see how my wife is doing and get her turned and medicated. Best wishes for a blessed, safe, and peaceful Easter week. That goes double if you plan on being anywhere near Moab, Utah. St. Mary's CareFlight should just move there this week.

Busy at Home

My wife came home from the hospital on Tuesday. The Hospice folks have been very helpful and professional. I'm hoping that Jan will be comfortable and at peace, and I'm doing what I can to facilitate that. It's been a busy couple of days, but a routine is emerging and I'm hopeful for a better feeling of organization here soon.

In the meantime, I couldn't resist posting this, a brief commentary
on the emerging dialogue between proponents and opponents of the Iraq War. This was actually published in November 2005, but it got me thinking about some trends I've seen in business and elsewhere, that being where blind loyalty to the vision of the leadership is valued higher by leaders than constructive criticism and open dialogue.

Best wishes to everyone.

Everybody Hurts

Many thanks to Ralph D'Andrea for cluing me in to the Crooks and Liars Late Night Music Club.
I found something there that I had forgotten about, and it was very helpful. Hopefully you'll find it helpful in some way too.

SB 83 Follies

My wife is slowly improving at St. Mary's, and yesterday took a big step forward by gaining enough control over her swallowing to be able to start eating again. Very soft, pureed food (and not badly prepared at that), but eating on her own nonetheless. She has also started to become more aware and communicative, and is starting to try to talk in sentences. She is currently awaiting a bed in the hospital's Rehab unit, and will hopefully come home after that. Lots of work to do on several fronts before then.

In the meantime I couldn't help but notice all of the hubris and concern over an amendment to Senate Bill 83 that would extend voting rights to parolees. Many bloggers and media outlets, including the Sentinel, have come out in opposition to the amendment and in favor of Senator Josh Penry for trying to block its' passage. Senator Penry has succeeded in sending the bill back to committee for additional deliberation with the parolee provision included.

I belong to the ACLU, mainly to support their involvement in First Amendment cases. They've done some great work, but were sort of deserving of some of the local media criticism they received for their somewhat ham-handed involvement in the public display area controversy at the Mesa County Public Library. I'm not sure about this parolee thing, but because I belong to the ACLU I received several e-mails about an Action Alert by the ACLU of Colorado, pertaining to supporting the parolee voting amendment that was eventually attached to SB 83.

With all of the local media and blogger activity regarding the parolee voting amendment, and a local legislator spearheading the opposition effort, you'd think that the Sentinel and local bloggers would see this as another opportunity to skewer the ACLU over their support for and lobbying attempts on behalf of the parolee voting amendment. This hasn't been the case, though. I wonder why.

Criticism of the ACLU's motives and actions in these two local examples is not entirely without merit, although there are two valid schools of thought hard at work here. It seems that the ACLU has a hard time establishing itself on the Western Slope because it picks the wrong battles, or attempts to interject itself into places where it isn't welcome. They were interested in getting involved in the Bass Lake sign controversy from last year, but the residents involved apparently weren't interested. That case, combined with the City Hall Ten Commandments issue from 2001, show that partnerships and creative thinking can sometimes trump litigation, or the threat thereof.

I still would love one of those Bass Lake bumper stickers. I can see many of them creatively placed on the next batch of election signs bearing Janet Rowland's name.

The Sick Rose

O rose, thou art sick!
The invisible worm
That flies in the night,
In the howling storm,

Has found out thy bed
Of crimson joy,
And his dark secret love
Does thy life destroy.

-William Blake

My wife Jan is currently hospitalized at St. Mary's Hospital in Grand Junction. She is in the 4 Center Medical / Surgical wing after suffering what has been described so far as a moderate stroke.

This past Wednesday Jan was visited by a home health nurse, who when listening to Jan's lung sounds noticed they were very diminished on her right side, where her tumors are. She felt strongly enough about the situation to schedule a chest x-ray and appointment with Jan's medical oncologist, Dr. Donna McFadden, at the Advanced Medicine Pavilion at St. Mary's. This x-ray along with an ultrasound showed an almost complete collapse of Jan's right lung due to fluid buildup in the posterior chest wall (pleural effusion). It was decided to schedule Jan for a needle thoracentesis on Friday to drain some of this fluid off. She was also in need of another blood transfusion due to anemia.

Both of these occurred on Friday. The tap of her chest produced a little over a liter of fluid. Additional chest x-rays and a CT Scan were required to attempt to verify that there was no additional fluid. Jan was tired and sore when I brought her home, and had difficulty climbing the small stairs to our front door.

On Saturday Jan was moving with a little more ease, walking with a bit more energy than in previous days. Later that evening I heard her moaning. I asked her what was wrong; she did not answer. I went to her and saw that she had raised her left hand in a strange way, was looking at me with a look of bewilderment, and her right arm was hanging off of the bed. I tried to ask her what my name was, what day it was, and then called 9-1-1.

After being evaluated in the ER, Jan was admitted to St. Mary's early Sunday morning after a CT scan showed an ischemic stroke on the left side of her brain that affected her speech and her entire right side. I left the hospital at about 4:00 AM with Jan settled in to sleep the remainder of what was a very hectic night for all of us.

Sunday morning Jan had an MRI which showed additional brain metastases not seen on previous scans. There is no indication as to the cause of her stroke, which is a blockage as opposed to bleeding in her brain. Jan remained asleep for the entire day, opening her eyes only briefly in response to touching or being moved.

We were visited by a neurologist, Dr. Joel Dean, who said that typically in people Jan's age who have a stroke, the first 3 to 7 days are crucial, and where slow restoration of some functions may occur as the brain will sometimes route these functions to another non-damaged area. Along with watching for these improvements, Jan's ability to swallow will be tested to assure that if/when she does become more alert she can ingest food and liquids without an increased risk of aspiration.

I will be meeting with representatives of Hospice and Palliative Care of Western Colorado to begin planning the next phase of Jan's treatment course.

Our son Evan has been holding his own through these last couple of days. He seems to find some stability in his regular activities and friends, but is also willing to talk things out and ask questions. I am trying to make sure he has something positive and active to do each day of this spring break, and many friends have agreed to try to help with this.

Early this morning I put on one of Jan's favorite movies and began writing this, perhaps in an attempt to hold on to something of a loving, gentle, independent spirit that I was blessed to cross paths with, and who is now approaching the end of a very brave and valiant struggle.

I won't be posting much of anything except updates to Jan's Yahoo Group for immediate family and friends. Thanks in advance for any thoughts and prayers you may be able to muster our way.

Random Directions

It's been a couple of weeks since my last post, and since I haven't had time to think about something long and drawn out (much to the relief of some, I'm sure), I thought about a few things that I'll spend a little bit of time on.
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Ralph D'Andrea hit the nail on the head with his post today about the expansion of Daylight Saving Time and its' effect on various devices that up to now automatically changed the time. Some are going as far as calling it a "mini-Y2K", and while I don't think it the angst that accompanied that day will be duplicated, it will be annoying for many. Both of my machines run Windows XP, so the automatic updates should kick in. I think they've got a handle on it at work, but my guess is we'll be double checking all of the system times, and the GPS-based master clock that updates all of them. Should make for an interesting weekend.

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This was the first year that I managed to see a majority of the films nominated for the Best Picture Oscar, and for me both the show and the honor are becoming something of an anachronism. Sure it's valuable to those involved in the industry, but the Internet has empowered the average citizen with the ability to research, obtain, and develop opinions on films that are somewhat to significantly out of the mainstream. What's coming on DVD in the next couple of weeks will be enough to fill more than a few more weekends worth of video time. If you get a chance, check out Fast Food Nation, Children of Men, Casino Royale, the first season of Hawaii Five-O (Contains the first known reference to public safety interoperability, "Patch me through to McGarrett"), and for more adult fare, Shortbus and Borat.

I personally thought that Babel was the best movie out of the nominated ones I had seen, although Letters from Iwo Jima (the only one I missed) looked extremely interesting. I would have liked The Departed better had it not incorporated the annoying trend of so many movies today, using the wireless phone as a device to advance the plot. Since the movie is based on another movie made in Hong Kong that I haven't seen, maybe that's the way it was originally written. Babel even had some of this going on, but seemed to do it right, as an illustration of the role of these devices in everyday life, and especially how they empower the differently abled. The deaf girl who gets video email from her friends in sign language, for example.

We watched Man of the Year a couple of nights ago, which is basically a movie written around the debate over paperless electronic voting and the comedy of Robin Williams. As a result, lots of cell phone use. Barry Levinson needs to go back to Baltimore for material; as the grandchild of immigrants, Avalon struck a chord with me, and along with Rain Man represents his best work. He is also largely responsible for the TV drama Homicide: Life on the Street, which sticks out for me as one of the best cop shows ever done.

There are two other films not coming out on video very soon that are definitely worth checking out in the theaters. These are The Painted Veil and Little Children, which is currently at the Avalon Theatre along with The Last King of Scotland. Hopefully time to check these out later this week. Maybe a birthday present before work. I turn 47 on Wednesday. Maybe I'll have more to say about that later, maybe not.

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Canyon View Vineyard Church has had an excellent sermon series the last two weeks dealing with the topic of relationships. Youth Pastor Jake Wilkinson did an excellent job conveying ideas for "Rediscovering Romance" two weeks ago, and Senior Pastor Dan Cox followed up this past weekend with several points addressing the issues of the differences between us. He gave five considerations regarding these differences that are critical to maintaining relationships and not isolating ourselves from each other. I have linked the related scripture. These are:

1. Realize that we are uniquely created.

2. Listen to people who come from another point of view.

3. Communicate with an appropriate attitude when there are differences.

4. Focus on reconciliation and not resolving every issue.

5. Remember that relationships are eternal.

Hopefully the audio and notes from these sermons will be available on the sermons page of the Vineyard website soon. I'll have to see if there is anything I can do to help them update it.

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The work on Seventh Street in Downtown GJ is in progress, and while it's a temporary inconvenience for me, I'm working around it. I hope to start riding my bicycle to work again when I change to day shift in April, so the available routes to work will increase. In the meantime, the amount of vitriol and venom expressed over the current project has been considerable, and not all entirely inappropriate.

Most of the complaints center around roundabouts, which to me are not a big deal so long as they are designed correctly. If you want examples, check out 24 Road at I-70 or 24 1/2 and G Roads for a good design, and 12th and Horizon for not so good.

I believe that the focus on roundabouts is misdirected in comparison to the underlying purpose of the entire project, of which the two main proponents are the Grand Junction Downtown Partnership and those who own property in the Seventh Street Historic District. The first group wants the Downtown area to continue to develop as a magnet for cultural, trendy commercial, and upscale residential development, or gentrification for short. The pros and cons of that are a lengthy and diverse list, better saved for another time.

The second group wants Seventh Street to be as unattractive a north-south traffic artery as possible, so as to reduce or maintain traffic levels through their neighborhood. It will also be interesting to see how the project affects speed limits all the way to North Avenue. Even though no construction will take place north of the Grand Avenue intersection, I wouldn't be surprised at an attempt by the gentry along that corridor to further attempt to calm and reduce traffic levels through the "historic district".

I am fighting sarcasm here, but even though the completed Riverside Parkway will also reduce traffic through Downtown, anyone who needs to travel to and/or through the Downtown area will likely turn their attention to Fourth Street and Fifth Street to accomplish that end. These one-way international dragways will likely see the bulk of increases in traffic in and out of the Downtown, as well as traffic to the High School and St. Mary's Hospital. This is largely by design save for the drag strip component, and because I live between the two it can be annoying at times. Because I choose to live here and my house has no seeming "historic significance", it's on me to live with it. We'll see how this plays down the road.

Speaking of St. Mary's, the part of Seventh that goes through their campus could be the next future battleground over traffic through the area. The hospital's Century Project is slated to drastically alter the complexion of the hospital campus and surrounding area over the next several years, and the safety of pedestrians, including employees, has become an issue there.

It became so much of an issue, specifically regarding the intersection of Seventh and Wellington, that St. Mary's CEO Robert Ladenburger addressed this in one of his periodic "Letters from Ladenburger" that are posted for hospital employees, and that I happened upon last month while Jan was in the ER. In short, he stated that pedestrian safety was of paramount concern to the hospital and it's administration, but that a pedestrian bridge over Seventh Street was cost-prohibitive.

To its' credit, St. Mary's has initiated a public awareness campaign on pedestrian safety, but this is too little and has the potential to be too late. As the hospital continues to formulate its' vision for facilities and capabilities for the foreseeable future, now is the time to integrate a comprehensive solution for getting foot traffic safely over Seventh Street into the existing new construction, as well as the future components of the Century Project.

Plan for, design, and build the bridge now, so that perhaps future growth across major city thoroughfares can follow the forethought and prescience of an effort of this type. Are you listening, Mesa State? There's a good use for a cool million that you might have lying around.

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On a concluding note, kudos to the Daily Sentinel and reporter Ann Winterholter for the excellent article on controlled burning in the Grand Valley that appeared in Sunday's paper.
As I write this, the scanner is chattering with traffic about at least two controlled burns that have gotten away from those managing them. Ah, the first sign of Spring in the Grand Valley.
Perhaps I should be thankful; It used to be Speedo Man on roller skates.

Have a great week.

Soot on the Porch

A good portion of my childhood was spent in the Plan 12 section of Aliquippa, Pennsylvania. Aliquippa was the conglomeration of three separate small towns, including a company town built by the Jones and Laughlin Steel Company ("J & L") to support its' massive Aliquippa Works.
Ours was probably the only family in the neighborhood where neither Mom or Dad worked in "The Mill", although most of my older relatives back then had spent close to their entire working lives there, many with over 40 years of service.

One of my earliest childhood memories is of my mother's morning ritual, which consisted of getting my brother and I up and dressed, then go downstairs and sweep the soot that had accumulated on the back porch overnight, the byproduct of the Aliquippa Works in full 24-hour production. Even after the efforts at smoke control that helped to transform Pittsburgh in the 50's, there was still soot to sweep off of the porch until about the time my brother and I were in elementary school in the mid to late 60's. The diligence of grass roots environmental groups like the Group Against Smog and Pollution (GASP) helped to assure that toxic emissions from steel and other generating or manufacturing plants that burned fossil fuels were reduced significantly.

Government did an ample job of trying to balance the needs of industry with those concerned with that industry's effects on air quality. They didn't do such a great job with addressing the problem of dumping of steel in US markets by subsidized foreign producers, and that and other factors put the steel industry to rest in most of the Pittsburgh region by the late 70's and early 80's.

The environmental impact of an industry of this size notwithstanding, the impact on the community at large was also profound in many ways. In my personal experience, if the steel industry was the engine that made Aliquippa go, then alcohol was the lubricant for that engine.
The corner bar was (and still is) a staple of many neighborhoods there, if only for fewer generations than in the past.

Now as the energy industries gain quite the foothold in Western Colorado, I'm starting to see some parallels here to the way that Western Pennsylvania was in my youth. There are, of course, some stark differences, but it seems that the same general approach to recruiting and motivating workers, as well as the impacts on environment, commercial and residential development, and community infrastructure and services, follow a definite pattern. There are good and bad aspects to this pattern, depending upon the choices people make in response to the arrival of this industry. The New Yorker had an excellent article in its' February 5 issue (not online as yet) on the impact of the arrival of the energy industry in Sublette County, Wyoming.

When these energy concerns feel it necessary to pay for TV advertising to tell me that "Energy..It's good for Western Colorado", that's the first sign to me that all is not what it should be. I'll probably have more to say about this down the road, but as the growth and traffic begin to take a more significant hold on this area, and the effect on essential services continues to be felt, we as citizens will need to decide how much "good" is enough, and effectively communicate this to elected officials and stewards of public lands at all levels of government. There are some community organizations who are doing a credible job of monitoring this activity already.

We as a community are going to have to take stock of the material benefits of energy development, and along with the changes to our way of life decide how much soot we want on our collective porch.

Annealing and Healing

The last three weeks have been extremely busy and moderately stressful ones for me, both at work and at home. My wife's recent scans did not produce good news, and as a result she has started a third-line regimen of chemotherapy drugs to try to have some success at keeping tumor growth at bay while somehow optimizing her quality of life. It is a difficult perch to try to stay upright upon, and I am somewhat concerned for what the next step will be, when we will need to take it, and how we will navigate it.

She has been in some significant distress over the last couple of weeks. Fortunately this has been abating of late, but the return of the familiar drone of the oxygen concentrator to our house seems to me a harbinger of more troubling times to come. She is also starting to receive home health care services again. I am very grateful for their knowledge, insight, and compassion.

A recent Discovery Channel program that featured the SR-71 Blackbird reminded me of something I read about the now-retired spy plane in Popular Mechanics some years back. The writer who went up for a flight in the Blackbird was cautioned not to touch the cockpit windows, because the outside of the aircraft heated to over 600 degrees Fahrenheit at it's Mach-2 plus cruising speed. This had the associated effect of annealing the aircraft, or strengthening it through heating and gradual cooling.

In my interactions with others at work, church, and elsewhere, I've often been made aware of the challenges that myself and others face, and how we are shaped by them for the long haul.
This concept of an "annealing of the soul" sort of dovetails with the Christian concept of being refined in the fire like silver or other precious metals. The big difference is, how does this affect us as human beings, never mind as one who claims to follow the teachings of Christ?

I interact with people every day who have had tragedy befall them. Many look to people like me as an avenue for assistance. Others, like myself, are struggling with major life changes, and in many cases have become bitter and defensive in response to interactions with others that have left them hurt or disappointed. In some this translates to intolerance, prejudice, and single-mindedness, which in my business can be a recipe for serious problems.

I feel for them. I will pray for them. But I will not join them. This is where the analogy about annealing seems to fall on its' face. The figurative tempering and strengthening also lends itself to inflexibility.

Dan Cox began a new sermon series at the Vineyard this past weekend, and the first of these messages had a profound impact on me. It was, in a way, a validation of what I have felt for some time. I've explored and read about the concept of servant leadership in conjunction with how I approach my career and daily life at home and at work, but how the more complex message was distilled this past Sunday was something I must commit to.

One of the key points of the message centered on Matthew 20:26:

Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant.

Dan expanded upon this with the statement that servants are motivated by serving, not status. He went on to add that our identity does not belong in the organizations of this world, and that we are at the first sons and daughters of the living God.

For me, this is part of the first step toward becoming a more balanced individual. Part of the appeal of the Internet, and blogosphere in particular, is the ubiquitous nature of information, as well as the seeming ability to find someone willing to comment regularly on just about anything.

I began this blog with the intent of using it as an outlet for things that would otherwise fester within me. It's served a good purpose so far, but I'm not about to set myself up for failure by trying to meet the expectations of others when I write it. I don't have lofty aspirations of somehow appearing on CNN as the expert du jour when something happens that I might know a little something about. There's at least one person out there who thought that was the case when they sent me a comment a little while back. I'm trying to make sure everyone knows the difference now.

My big concerns have always been centered around achieving significance and relevance in what I'm interested or involved in, to be in the loop and be seen by others as someone who can be relied upon to know what to do when needed. Over the years, this defined my sense of self-worth, especially at work, when I had a smaller, more manageable child and a healthy wife and partner to share the load at home. I'm committed to doing the best job that I know how to do, in all of my areas of responsibility, but my self-worth is no longer defined by those things.

My identity does not belong in the organizations of this world, but to function within them I must emulate that which I look to for strength, guidance, and healing every day. To that end I will remain diligent and steadfast in those areas with which I have been blessed with expertise and skill. I think that writing is one of those, so I will keep up with this whenever I feel called to do so.

It's taken me parts of three days to write this, which is about the speed that ideas come and can be put down with all of the responsibilities that I have. My posts may be fewer in number over time, but they will always be carefully thought out and deliberated over. It's called an outlet, not a rant.

This is part of my effort to bring healing to myself and whoever may pass by. To do that, I am bound to serve others. I will continue to try to focus on the words of Jesus, as they appear in Luke 22:24-27..

Also a dispute arose among them as to which of them was considered to be greatest. Jesus said to them, "The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those who exercise authority over them call themselves Benefactors. But you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves. For who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who is at the table? But I am among you as one who serves.

Best wishes for a good week. Looks like it's starting to thaw out here. Time to get (more) busy..


"Men in action are the poet's proper theme."

- Haniel Long, Pittsburgh Memoranda